The world’s dumbest pedestrian

I was driving along the road this morning, admittedly speeding at a whopping 37 in a 35 mph zone. I turn on my right blinker to turn onto my next road as three middle-aged, clearly single, men crossed the road. The wormiest of the three men decide that I am going too fast for his liking, so he decides to stop in the middle of the road to motion for me to slow down.

I should have hit him and paid my debt to society, but since I was turning anyways, I decided to save myself the trouble and criminal record. However, I cannot help but wonder, what kind of human in his or her sane state of mind would intentionally stop in front of a seemingly speeding car to tell them that they may be driving at a dangerous speed? If I were in fact driving at a dangerous speed, would a sane person stop in the middle of the street, in front of my speeding car, to tell me to slow down? I don’t see it as plausible.

I gave him a funny face, as all immature college graduates would do, and continued on my merry way. After all, 8 am is far too early to make a fuss about something so silly.

For the rest of the day, I went over so many scenarios in my head that would have made my day so much better, and I am almost certain that would have made his day worse. But, me being such a sweet girl, I kept them in my head and did not act upon them. Okay, maybe it wasn’t because I was being my usual sweet self; it’s possible that it was because I didn’t think quickly enough to come up with such smarty-pants-jessie-isms at the time of the scene.

Here’s what I would have liked to have done:

Step 1: Pull my speeding car over.

Step 2: Step out of said car. Approach middle aged crazy skinny man and his friends.

Step 3: Assume conversation…

Me: Excuse me, sir? Do you believe I was going too fast for this street?

Psycho: Yes, you were driving at a ridiculous speed! You could have hit us!

Me: Yes. How fast do you believe I was going, sir? If you don’t mind me asking…

Psycho: You were going 45 to 50 at least! You should really slow down, young lady!

Me: I see. Okay, well let’s pretend for a second that I was in fact driving 45 to 50 mph, as you say. I have to wonder, then, why would you step in front of my car to tell me to slow down? Why not keep walking as you tell me to slow down? Do you not think that would have been a safer decision?

Psycho: Well I needed to get your attention. You shouldn’t be driving so quickly and I wasn’t going to let you continue going that fast! Ohhh no, not in my town!

Me: Ohh, okay, thanks for clearing that up for me. One more question, though. Now that you’ve said it out loud…you know, the fact that you intentionally tried to stop a 50 mph moving vehicle in the middle of the street with your body, do you think it sounds as logical as when you actually did it?

Psycho: You’re a child! You’re a child with Daddy’s money. Grow up and slow down!

Me: So, you agree, then? Just wondering…

Step 4: Yell goodbye as they walk away from my arguments.

Step 5: Continue on my path toward Starbucks to start my day off right.

Maybe this whole scenario isn’t the most mature thing in the world, but come on…I was only going two miles over the speed limit. I know what you’re thinking. I know, I know…he was right. Speeding is speeding.


4 responses to “The world’s dumbest pedestrian

  1. Mark Stephenson

    Shoot him

  2. might have been a better idea if you hit him…lightly, so nothing life-threatening. maybe a cracked rib or 2.

    just kidding!

    2 miles over the speed limit is not that bad, i don’t think you need to justify yourself so much haha. i would have been pretty pissed off too!

  3. amcampbelldirect

    pedestrians with road rage haha

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