Meet Kamieka…she’s important!

My Jamaican friend, Kamieka, is…well…Jamaican. She even talks with the accent. And, she wears a Jamaican hat. And, she yells at her kids in Jamaican (which she always tells me is still English, but I don’t believe her). I met Kamieka on the first day of my study abroad to Spain last summer, and it was all downhill from there.

Kamieka on the right...note the hat

I’ve learned a lot from this one. She taught me multiple ways to use Jamaican profanity, to never dance hip hop in front of her, and that I should never babysit anyone’s kids, let alone her own. (After all, she was the one who originally told me that I need adult supervision at the age of 20).

During a Skype conversation, she tried to tell me that one day, when she becomes rich and famous, she was going to forget all the little people, which would include myself. Clearly, I was not having it. Here is how our conversation went. Please read Kamieka’s lines in your best Jamaican accent. It makes it better, I promise.

European photo! DONT SMILE!

Kamieka: As soon as I get rich I’m dropping you.

Me: No. You aren’t. I won’t let you. I already told you, you’re going to be in my wedding.

Kamieka: Oh shit. So does that mean I just have to be in the room of your wedding?

Me: No. You have to be in my actual wedding.

Kamieka: So that means I just have to attend it, right?

Me: No. Dude. You have to be in my bridal party.

Kamieka: Wait, so that means I have to stand up the whole time? I may be sick that day.

Me: No you wont be.

Kamieka: How do you know?

Me: Because I’m going to come over every single day for a month before the wedding and make sure you take your vitamin C pills.

Kamieka: What if I have a job? I probably will have to work.

Me: No you wont.

Kamieka: How do you know?

Me: Because I’ll call your employer ahead of time and make sure you have the weekend off.

Kamieka: Damn it. Why do I have to do this?

Me: Because. I have to have one person I’ve studied abroad with, one person I’ve lived with, one person I interned with, and one random friend. And that makes you my studied abroad person.

Kamieka: What?! What about Sam and Tina?

Me: I can only pick one, and I get to talk to you way more than the others. They will be at the wedding, but you have to be in it.

Kamieka: Okay, here’s the plan. You and me are going to start talking less. And you are going to start talking to Sam and Tina every day.

Me: Kamieka, you’re not getting out of this.

Kamieka: Okay, but it’s only going to take like 10 minutes right?

Nonetheless, Kamieka will be in my future wedding. If I have one, of course. She is going to complain, and she is going to cuss at me in Jamaican people lingo, and she is going to throw a fit…but I have learned to accept this fact.

Sigh. Love this girl.




7 responses to “Meet Kamieka…she’s important!

  1. Damn it Stupid weddin plans… u totally forgot the helmet … LMAO u also forgot to mention i’m the most awesomest person we both knw… luv u … mean it

  2. Ahhh sign Yessie. I miss thee…

    I’m so glad you introduced your Jamaican. I heard so much about her this summer I felt like we were friends. This makes me feel that when I do in fact get a blog I will write an entry about my Jamaican, who harasses me on the regular, and would probably be thrilled to even get an invite to my wedding.
    Next, sometimes your blogs worry me. I fear that if I have something totally legit to say (by legit I mean full of sarcasm and honesty) you will publically blast me and it will never go away. I will be 30 years old trying to work for someone’s firm and this right here blog will be filed under the category of “Other” on my to hire you or not box. When I question this other-ness they will say “It is your association with Jesssie Spielvegol… awkward silence. Good Day Ma’am”

    Last conclusion drawn from this blog… I know we’ve discussed our unlikely marriages and the requirements on both parties to attend (in w/e region of the country that may be) but I just need public confirmation that I, and no one else, will be the said intern described above. I promise I will bring something blue or used. Or used and blue b/c I am just that crafty and I swear you’re bachelorette party will make you not even want to be married anymore.
    Lastly, I wonder how many western indian people will be offended by this. If you find out, do report back.
    I’m avoiding hw to respond to this.

    That is all.
    Hope this doesn’t come back to bite me.

    • Kelsey, I can’t believe you even need confirmation as to you being the intern that will be in my wedding. DUH!!! Of course you are. And I cannot wait to be introduced to your Jamaican via blog posting.

      LOL to the fact that your association with me will prevent you from becoming employed in the future. I feel strangely proud of this accomplishment – I never thought of myself to be so influential! I mean, obviously it would be bad news for you, but I would has a great sense of pride follow me around for at leeaassstt a month. Maybe two.

      I’ll let you know if I get any hate messages about this post. The way I see it, I feel quite protected by my first amendment rights. Have a lovely day! GET TO STUDYING, SLACKER!

  3. I think a just shed a tear I was laughing so hard. 🙂 ok so question then, who will I be in your wedding?? We haven’t studied abroad together (that’s a shame), we haven’t lived to together (yet), no mutual internship either, and I’m not entirely random to your life…in fact, I have vested interest in your life! (:-) Any thoughts?

    • Hah! Kristina, I need to add a category! At first, I was going to use you as my “one random friend…” But, I have come to the executive decision to add the category of “one Russian.” So, I hope my future husband has a Russian as well, or else the aesthetics will be all thrown off..

  4. Tell your jamican I am still mad at her.


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