My Jamaican friend, Kamieka, is…well…Jamaican. She even talks with the accent. And, she wears a Jamaican hat. And, she yells at her kids in Jamaican (which she always tells me is still English, but I don’t believe her). I met Kamieka on the first day of my study abroad to Spain last summer, and it was all downhill from there.
I’ve learned a lot from this one. She taught me multiple ways to use Jamaican profanity, to never dance hip hop in front of her, and that I should never babysit anyone’s kids, let alone her own. (After all, she was the one who originally told me that I need adult supervision at the age of 20).
During a Skype conversation, she tried to tell me that one day, when she becomes rich and famous, she was going to forget all the little people, which would include myself. Clearly, I was not having it. Here is how our conversation went. Please read Kamieka’s lines in your best Jamaican accent. It makes it better, I promise.
Kamieka: As soon as I get rich I’m dropping you.
Me: No. You aren’t. I won’t let you. I already told you, you’re going to be in my wedding.
Kamieka: Oh shit. So does that mean I just have to be in the room of your wedding?
Me: No. You have to be in my actual wedding.
Kamieka: So that means I just have to attend it, right?
Me: No. Dude. You have to be in my bridal party.
Kamieka: Wait, so that means I have to stand up the whole time? I may be sick that day.
Me: No you wont be.
Kamieka: How do you know?
Me: Because I’m going to come over every single day for a month before the wedding and make sure you take your vitamin C pills.
Kamieka: What if I have a job? I probably will have to work.
Me: No you wont.
Kamieka: How do you know?
Me: Because I’ll call your employer ahead of time and make sure you have the weekend off.
Kamieka: Damn it. Why do I have to do this?
Me: Because. I have to have one person I’ve studied abroad with, one person I’ve lived with, one person I interned with, and one random friend. And that makes you my studied abroad person.
Kamieka: What?! What about Sam and Tina?
Me: I can only pick one, and I get to talk to you way more than the others. They will be at the wedding, but you have to be in it.
Kamieka: Okay, here’s the plan. You and me are going to start talking less. And you are going to start talking to Sam and Tina every day.
Me: Kamieka, you’re not getting out of this.
Kamieka: Okay, but it’s only going to take like 10 minutes right?
Nonetheless, Kamieka will be in my future wedding. If I have one, of course. She is going to complain, and she is going to cuss at me in Jamaican people lingo, and she is going to throw a fit…but I have learned to accept this fact.