Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like nothing is going right and your crazy Russian friend, Kristina Viniar, makes you workout until you want to throw up? Well, I have.
I woke up and put on my workout clothes. I attended a meeting from 10 am until 11:15 and hopped on campus loop to meet Kristina at the track by the rec center for a peaceful workout. On the campus loop bus, there was a lovely renaissance man with long curly hair, a cigarette behind each ear, and brown stained teeth riding along while twirling a rope for “fire spinning”. I tried to not make eye contact because he looked like someone who smelled, but he cornered me. I was then forced to smile and nod while he told me about how he is not even a Texas State student, but he rides the campus loop in order to get the word out about “fire spinning”.
After running as quickly as possible off of the bus, I met up with Kristina on the track and she forced me to run against my will – in Texas’ 93 degree heat. Not a cloud in site or a hint of shade. After running four laps, I was hoping we were done. Then she told me that the four laps were our warm-up, and I died a little inside. After putting me through all of her nazi drills outside in the scorching unbearable Afghanistan type of weather, I was excited to be finished 40 minutes later. Again, I had false hopes. She then dragged me by my unwilling cajones into the rec center to do “abs”. ABS. She lied. She made me do arms, too.
Once the workout was over and I was so exhausted that I couldn’t walk in a normal fashion (I waddled), Kristina rewarded me with a protein smoothie from the Smoothie Factory. After telling her that I hated her for the entire 30 hour workout, I told her I loved her whenever she gave me sustenance.
Since I have been so jammed for time trying to finish up my final projects, I skipped out on the shower and went straight to the computer lab to meet up with my Web Design partner, Adri. In all fairness, I sent her a warning text that stated my possible state of smelliness due to my morning workout before I arrived.
After I left the lab at around 4:30, I realized that I couldn’t get back to my house since I didn’t drive my car and the bus doesn’t drop off at my street. So, I called my brother to ask him for a ride and he told me that he was off fishing in the boondocks and would not be able to pick me up from school. I began to walk the long journey towards Craddock. Now, let me remind you – I was working out in the heat, sweating profusely, skipped the shower, went to class, and then proceeded to walk two miles home in the heat again. I smelled delicious.
I got to my house and quickly ran to my front door because I had to pee quite badly. I turned the nob to enter the house only to find out that it was locked. I didn’t have my key. I scurried around to the back of the house to try the back door and it was locked, too. I tried to lift the garage door, but I’m too weak to handle that task. I tried opening all the windows, and that also ended in an epic failure. I called my brother repeatedly until he answered his phone and then I yelled at him for locking me out because I had to pee so much. His response: “We have a back yard, go pee behind a bush.”
I ended up using my ninja criminal skills to pop a screen out and crawled through my bedroom window. I’m glad that the the cops did not come to arrest me because this neighborhood doesn’t know us yet since we just moved in last week and they saw some sweaty girl pulling a B&E in the middle of the day while dogs are barking at me and I’m talking outloud to myself about how I want to junk punch my brother for putting me through all of this.
I got in, I made it to the bathroom, I showered, and the rest of the day went splendidly well. Story of my life.